I've been frustrated lately. Mostly with myself. I just can't seem to get on top of things. My house is always a mess, although I am literally picking things up and trying to clean it all day. When there are 5 people making messes and one cleaning up, the odds are not good that my house will ever be clean! My kids always look like orphans. We are always going out in our pjs without our hair done. Even when we go to church and look "our best" I look around at all of the other families who have little girls with their hair done so cute and perfectly, and their church clothes are ironed, and they made it on time, and I am thinking to myself, "How do they do it?" By the time we get to church I feel like I've been hit by a train. Definitely not a "day of rest". I heard a quote the other day by one of our church leaders that said, "There should never be yelling inside your home-unless there is a fire". Hah! I yell a lot and I order my girls around-A Lot. I have had a lot of guilt about having these two babies to take care of and not being able to do it by myself. My girls have really had to work hard and help me and I have worried about it affecting their childhood. I am running myself ragged trying to be a good mom-but failing miserably.
I found just the advice I have been needing and thought I'd write it here in case some of you are feeling the same way that I am. It is a book that my Great-Grandma Henrie wrote. She kept a wonderful journal and I have been blessed by it many times. Which is why I keep this blog-hoping that something I write will someday help someone like me. Anyway, here is what she says:
"A mother who lets a girl grow up as a "doll" or a "princess", always dressed in beautiful dresses, to be shown and admired, not having to work and learn the fundamentals of homemaking and working, does a girl a great disservice and gives her problems. Sometime in her life, she comes to the time for work, for carrying her share of the load, for being a working partner. She may be like a piece of steel that has been tempered; it looks good but cannot stand the strain when it is put to the test of use. Failure can come in many ways. One of the great things of a family of children is growing up together, into maturity, finding their place in the group, all having to help and learning to work before the weight of the responsibilities and living descend upon them, as it surely does."
No one worked harder than my Grandma Henrie. The stories I read about her make me respect the women who were mothers during the great depression. She tells about going to kill the chickens when then needed supper, washing the laundry by hand (and she had 10 children), caring for my Grandpa when he was so sick and dying from cancer, etc.
My favorite story about her is when she told my Grandpa that she needed a bigger house. He told her that if she would have a set of twin boys he would build her a house. She did and he remembered his promise! He had her draw a houseplan on a sheet of white paper and he went to work to build it.
I need to try harder to be the mother that Grandma Henrie would be proud of and I am SO thankful for her words of wisdom today.
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8 comments:
Nat, you are WAY too hard on yourself. I've typed about 85 pages so far of my journal and still have more to come. I can't tell you how many times I would end a page with "I wish I was a better mother" - "I don't know why I yell so much at the kids" - "I wish I was a better wife". I think we all feel that way at one time or another in our lives. Enjoy each moment, don't compare with others, do the best you can, look for the good things daily, smile, and remember that it won't always be like that. YOU ARE AN AWESOME WIFE, MOTHER, SISTER, AND FRIEND. I don't think half of your friends could keep up with all you do especially when your hubby is gone so much and so busy too. Love you Nat. Keep up the good work.
Ha! Nat, hardly anyone has 2 sets of twins- especially at the age they are right now. I only have 1 20 month old and I feel tired all the time. You are awesome. Loved what your grandma said. Its so true. You are awesome. Love ya.
You are amazing! Thank you for posting it. I feel like a failure a lot and feel the same way. The house never stays clean and I am exhausted by 7:00 p.m. I posted something on my blog a few weeks ago that was really honest and a bit negative but took it off. I think it's really important to be honest and for others to know that we all struggle and that life IS hard. I think it's really easy to compare ourselves with others and wonder what the hell is wrong with us (atleast I do).
You are amazing and I loved this post because I have felt this way with carter ever since he was born and he is just a baby! I feel like a failure too.., how do people do it with more than one kid is what I always think. So you are doing great. Two sets of twins..... That in itself is amazing and I don't know how you do it!
Nat every day I say I really don't know how people who have more then one do it. You are an awesome mom. You have such a cute family. I so look up to you. Love you
Natalie, this post really hit me in the heart! Ever since my fourth child was born I feel like I'm dying a slow death of messes and laundry..haha! Cory is in the bishopric so I'm all alone on Sunday it can get interesting around here. It feels like a miracle to get out the door with 4 kids. But honestly I can't imagine the load you bear with 2 sets of twins...holy cow! You are amazing! I know your older girls are your living angels to help you out. You are teaching them hard work and responsibility and that will be a great strength to them throughout their lives.
I've decided if you don't have the feelings you just described AT LEAST once per day than you probably aren't a mother! I don't know how many times I go to check on my kids after they've fallen asleep and ask myself why I wasn't more patient or why I didn't spend more time just enjoying the little moments with them. All I can say is, being a mom is the hardest job in the world. And I think you're a fabulous mom! We sure miss you guys!
I love you friend, Thanks for this post, it hit me right when I needed it, and reminds me much of my own grandma who raised 8 kids,,,, and i was so close with her. I am thankful we are friends!!! I love seeing God's hands on our friendship! And you are an amazing mom, I know you are simply because you have an amazing spirit and are an amazing friend!!!!
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