Thoughts of a failing mother

I've been frustrated lately. Mostly with myself. I just can't seem to get on top of things. My house is always a mess, although I am literally picking things up and trying to clean it all day. When there are 5 people making messes and one cleaning up, the odds are not good that my house will ever be clean! My kids always look like orphans. We are always going out in our pjs without our hair done. Even when we go to church and look "our best" I look around at all of the other families who have little girls with their hair done so cute and perfectly, and their church clothes are ironed, and they made it on time, and I am thinking to myself, "How do they do it?" By the time we get to church I feel like I've been hit by a train. Definitely not a "day of rest". I heard a quote the other day by one of our church leaders that said, "There should never be yelling inside your home-unless there is a fire". Hah! I yell a lot and I order my girls around-A Lot. I have had a lot of guilt about having these two babies to take care of and not being able to do it by myself. My girls have really had to work hard and help me and I have worried about it affecting their childhood. I am running myself ragged trying to be a good mom-but failing miserably.

I found just the advice I have been needing and thought I'd write it here in case some of you are feeling the same way that I am. It is a book that my Great-Grandma Henrie wrote. She kept a wonderful journal and I have been blessed by it many times. Which is why I keep this blog-hoping that something I write will someday help someone like me. Anyway, here is what she says:

"A mother who lets a girl grow up as a "doll" or a "princess", always dressed in beautiful dresses, to be shown and admired, not having to work and learn the fundamentals of homemaking and working, does a girl a great disservice and gives her problems. Sometime in her life, she comes to the time for work, for carrying her share of the load, for being a working partner. She may be like a piece of steel that has been tempered; it looks good but cannot stand the strain when it is put to the test of use. Failure can come in many ways. One of the great things of a family of children is growing up together, into maturity, finding their place in the group, all having to help and learning to work before the weight of the responsibilities and living descend upon them, as it surely does."

No one worked harder than my Grandma Henrie. The stories I read about her make me respect the women who were mothers during the great depression. She tells about going to kill the chickens when then needed supper, washing the laundry by hand (and she had 10 children), caring for my Grandpa when he was so sick and dying from cancer, etc.
My favorite story about her is when she told my Grandpa that she needed a bigger house. He told her that if she would have a set of twin boys he would build her a house. She did and he remembered his promise! He had her draw a houseplan on a sheet of white paper and he went to work to build it.
I need to try harder to be the mother that Grandma Henrie would be proud of and I am SO thankful for her words of wisdom today.

Vegas

After Christmas we were able to go to Vegas to see Stef's new house and all of my family came and meet us there! It was so much fun to spend time with everyone. Stef's house is gorgeous and huge! They have a fun theater loft and enough bedrooms and bathrooms for all of us. My Aunt Laurie was able to come and it was so fun to see her. The best part of the trip for me was when we got a babysitter for the kids and went to the movie and the Cheesecake Factory. The kids all had so much fun together. I didn't take many pictures. I got some of Grandpa playing "Go Fish" with the girls. All 3 were giggling so much. They LOVE Grandpa and he is SO cute with all of the kids.

 "Uncle Bishop" sent Christmas gifts for all of the kids (he always does). He is so cute to go shopping for them. 

Rollie's near death experience

I tried really hard to get Brett to write this post because I wanted to remember it from his perspective. But he wouldn't. When I asked him he acted mad and said, "what do you want me to say? That I poisoned my own dog?"
I decided to drop it and I wasn't going to write about it until I found this card that Madi had made for him. It was too cute to not have in our blog book. So, if my version is different than his or a bit more embellished it is his own fault!
It all started when Brett got called out just as we were going to bed. I decided to get a bunch of stuff done while he was gone. So I vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, and worked on quickbooks, etc. When it was around 11 I decided I had better get to bed. I laid down and immediately heard a creepy noise right outside my window. My heart instantly started racing. It sounded like someone was trying to saw a piece of wood. I jumped out of bed and was getting my phone ready to dial 911 (I know I'm not the only one who has ever done that!) while turning on the outside lights to let the criminal know that I knew he was out there and I was ready for him:)

I went back to the window to listen and it was a very consistent noise so I laid back down and waited for Brett to come home to go outside and see what it was. I texted him to check the backyard when he got home. 15 minutes later he ran into the room and started yelling at me, "why didn't you go help him?" (We both agreed later that there was nothing I could have done!)
The next thing I know, Rollie is laying on our kitchen floor stiff as a board but convulsing and flopping from one side to the other while his eyes were darting back and forth a hundred miles an hour.
Brett had been working in the yard earlier and put out a bunch of snail bait by our peas. Then we got busy and forgot to give Rollie any dinner. I guess he got hungry enough and ate the Poisen.
Brett was looking up vet stuff trying to figure out how the Poisen was affecting him and I was telling him that I didn't think he had time to research it and he needed to get him to the animal Er. He was getting very impatient with me. Once he had the info he needed he picked up Rollie and headed for the truck.
I texted about 30 minutes later to ask how things were going. This is his response, "Not good. Stopped breathing on me in the car. Had to pull over and do compressions. He passed out. I thought he was dead. The he relaxed and started breathing again. He is in the back now. Haven't seen the vet yet. It's worse than I thought."
He was gone for a few hours and then came home alone. He got up 2 hours later and went to work. On the way to the dairy he got a flat tire. It was a bad couple of days at our house.
The girls had no idea any of this had happened and I didn't tell them until they got home from school. I started by saying,"I need to tell you something about Rollie. He got really sick last night."
The both started to cry and said,"he's dead isn't he?".
I couldn't get them to stop crying long enough to tell them that he was alive! He was still in bad shape and I told them that he was alive but might not make it. All I know is that when he does die, it's going to be very, very depressing at our house. They don't remember life without him since we got him when they were 2 or 3.
Well, the end of the story is that he is still alive. He may have some liver damage but he is acting pretty normal now. My mom once spent $500 on a dog (Max) that jade brought home and my dad was SO mad when he found out. After the calmed down and could laugh about it he called the dog "5 hundred" for a long time. When I told my dad this story he said, "Is Rollie a 5 hundred dollar dog?". I laughed and told him that he would DIE if he knew how much that little episode cost.

Christmas 2012

We had a wonderful Christmas this year. We missed being with our families but we really enjoyed being in our home for Christmas. We have lived in our house for 3 years and this is the first Christmas we have spent here. It was so nice and relaxing to not have to travel. 

Santa was SO good to us.

The babies didn't really understand what was going on but they sure liked waking up to new toys!

Loving their legos!

Syd liked Saige's boots and hat too! 

So, back to that "call" to Goynetche dairy that Brett got. He was out doing some secret works that none of us knew about. After we opened our presents, we started making brunch. Dean and Amanda were coming over to eat with us so we were all working together to get stuff made. Brett kept sending the girls out to the fridge in the garage to get things and each time when they came back in he would burst out laughing. After 3 times he said, "I've HIDDEN a present in the garage for you. Go and find it"! The girls had walked passed it 3 times and not even noticed our new golf cart parked in the garage!

I just noticed that Dalton is sitting on the golf cart in this picture. You can see his head with his blue hat.  He was having SO much fun and refused to get off. So we left him there for awhile!

What a fun surprise from our dad!

The girls had a fun surprise for their dad too. 

Brett's favorite story is 

"For the Man Who Hated Christmas".

Each year I give him an envelope on the tree but this year I decided that the girls were old enough to take part in our tradition. They were SO excited and their letters were SO beautiful. Brett couldn't hold back the tears and he doesn't cry very often. 

I figured enough time has gone by that no one will look at this post and I can post Madi and Saige's letters to their dad. They are SO cute and they wrote them all on their own.

Madi's:

Saige's

Christmas Eve 2012

Not only is December 24 Christmas Eve, it is also my Birthday. So, on his way home from work Brett picked up food from Olive Garden for dinner. He said he would make me whatever I wanted and I said I wanted to not have to cook or have a mess in the kitchen on Christmas Eve! It is nice that they were open although I am sure the people working that night didn't feel the same way. After we ate we got right to our Christmas Eve festivities.

We let the kids open one present on Christmas Eve (Pjs and Slippers). 

This year they all got frog pajamas.

 Once again it is IMPOSSIBLE to get just one picture of all four kids looking at the camera and smiling at the same time. I really want to go get family pictures taken but don't want to pay money since I know that they wont turn out!

 Kisses!

After we put the babies down we watched Arthur Christmas.

It is one of my new favorite Christmas shows. We left some treats out for Santa and headed to bed. 

Right after the kids went to bed Brett got called out on an emergency. I will explain in my next post what happened.

My favorite bday card from 2012 (I just found this and wrote 2014 on it by mistake but it really is from 2012)

Santa

I am SO glad that Santa comes to our Ward Christmas Party so I don't have to go to our ghetto, gang infested mall to get pictures of my kids with him. 

Madi asked for a horse stuff and a baby alive. I told her that I have two babies that are alive and I would love to have her help with them any time!

 Saige asked for horse stuff and books.

 Dalton asked, "who is this guy holding me"?

 Sydney asked to be put down-immediately! Dad even tried to bribe her with his cell phone and she wanted NOTHING to do with Santa.
I love the look Dalton is giving her in the picture below. It is like he is saying,
"What is wrong with her?"!

 Our tree and the loot below. I love that we are able to have a real tree every year. The smell is heavenly. I just wish we could actually go get one off of the mountain like we did when we were kids. Picking one off of the lot isn't the same.

 I tried really hard to get the kids to wear the santa hat for a pic. This is as close as I got.
Both babies would say Santa...Ho Ho Ho. It was so cute!

 The first day that they were out of school, these cute girls got up at 4 am to surprise me with breakfast. They got a yogurt out of the fridge and put an ice pack with it to keep it cold and then went back to bed. They are too cute! The note was made to look like Santa's beard and his eyes, nose, and hat are above. It said, "Dear Mom, I'm sorry that you have to watch the babies all year. I'm glad it's Christmas vacation so I can watch Syd & D. Merry Christmas, Love Madi and Saige

I know I've said it before but I don't know what I'd do without M&S. They are the BEST helpers. I could have never had another set of twins without them.